Respect means a lot of different things. Respect can be shown through behavior and it can also be felt. We can act in ways which are considered respectful, yet we can also feel respect for someone and feel respected by someone. Because it is possible to act in ways that do not reflect how we really feel, the feeling of respect is more important than the behavior without the feeling. When the feeling is there, the behavior will naturally follow.
As a new born has no concept of respect, and feels only its own needs, I believe that the only successful way to teach a child what respect is, is to earn the respect of the child as they slowly grow into a thinking human being. It is naive to believe that if someone says “Yes, Sir/ No, Sir,” it means they respect you.
As I see it, respect is something that is earned. You earn someone else’s respect easy by showing understanding of that person’s feelings, needs and thoughts into consideration. You must show your respect for someone else before it will come back to you. Respect cannot be demanded or forced, though sometimes people mistakenly believe that it can.
A New York City gang member was asked why he carried a gun. He replied: “Before I had this gun, I didn’t get no respect. Now I do.”
Or like the security officer, I saw the other day in an “all you can eat” Chinese buffet full of families with young kids: the guy was dressed in civil khakis, striped shirt and sneakers topped with heavy gun and handcuffs on his belt. He was looking odd with that big gun among the bunch of kids trying to get some food at the buffet and reminded me of the “Kindergarten Cop” movie.
Or like a friend of mine who bought a gun shortly after he acquired couple buildings with rental apartments and got few “professional renters” among the other residents. Every time he was going to visit his properties he would carry the gun and make the others well aware of it.
You don’t need a gun to get it.
There is a danger in mislabeling fear as respect. It is like if two jars in the medicine cabinet were mislabeled. What if poison ivy lotion were labeled as cough syrup, or chlorine as contact lens cleaner?
Fear is toxic
Respect is nurturing.
Fear destroys self-confidence. Respect builds it.
Fear is life-threatening. Respect is life-enhancing.
Fear is forced. Respect is earned.
Fear is learned. Respect is earned.
You don’t need a gun to get it!
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